On the opposite side of the same coin, adoption is something very common in our world but is sadly most common with newborns. I, personally, am an adopted child and was lucky to have been adopted as a newborn so the adoption and foster system means a great deal to me. The third podcast I listened to detailed two men adopting a little boy just two days after he was born. While adoption is a wonderful thing, it isn’t always happy.
This story details a young, 19 year old girl who had accidentally gotten pregnant. Knowing she could not take care of a child as she herself was still a child, she took the adoption route. The couple that adopted her son had to take him from her two days after he was born as she sobbed. A quote I’ve heard before is that “adoption is a blessing born from loss” and I think that’s something that will always be true. Giving up your child in the hopes that another family will be able to give it what you cannot is something no one can imagine until they’ve done it.
There are two types of adoptions: closed adoptions and open adoptions. This particular family in the podcast went with an open adoption, which allowed their adoption son to have contact with his birth mother and his birth father. There was contact with his mother for quite a while until one day, she said her boyfriend had died by alcohol poisoning and stopped calling. One of the adoptive fathers began calling hospitals and morgues to look for her. Eventually, his birth father stopped calling.
Their adopted son was quick to notice that his mom had become absent and, like most children, began asking questions. Their fathers, like most adopted parents, were at a loss but began planning on what to tell him in the future if things didn’t turn out the way they wanted. While adoption is a wonderful thing, it can also be a difficult thing. Their son may have to live without his biological mother in his life and may have to accept that his two adopted dads are his only family now. No matter how stable his dads try to make his life, they can only do so much. This is the harsh reality of adoption most people don’t get.
Whether you were adopted as an infant in a closed adoption or you were adopted as a teenager in an open adoption, there is still this loss that the child will feel. The “what ifs” become a constant thought and the idea of you being adopted becomes a huge part of your identity. Adoption isn’t always picture perfect but it’s definitely a start to a better life outside of a foster care system.